Gemma Collins was told to abort her intersex baby, but we deserve to live too

And it’s a memory I was reminded of this week when I heard Gemma Collins say that she was advised by doctors, while in her 20s, to terminate her pregnancy because her child would grow up to potentially have a body like mine. 本週，當我聽到傑瑪·柯林斯(Gemma Collins) 說，醫生建議她在20 多歲時終止妊娠時，我想起了這一點，因為她的孩子長大後可能會擁有像我一樣的身體。

This news doesn’t surprise me. It does, however, show that I was never alone. 這個消息並不讓我感到驚訝。然而，它確實表明我從來都不孤單。

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been made to feel like I shouldn’t exist. It has been my lived experience as much as it is my learned experience. I was born with a body that was seen as undesirable. 從我記事起，我就一直覺得自己不該存在。這是我的人生經歷，也是我學到的經歷。我生來就有一個被視為不受歡迎的身體。

Intersex people are those whose chromosomes, external or internal genitalia, or secondary sex characteristics – like bodily hair or changes during puberty – do not fit what is seen as average or typical for female and male bodies.雙性人是指染色體、外生殖器或內生殖器或第二性徵（如體毛或青春期的變化）不符合女性和男性身體的平均或典型特徵的人。

There are currently over 40 recognised variations in sex development that can occur. 目前公認的性別發育可能發生 40 多種變異。

And although the UN estimates that up to 1.7% of the population has intersex traits, the reality is that we have no accurate way of knowing. Moreover, finding a consensus on which conditions should ‘count’ as intersex can be complicated.儘管聯合國估計高達 1.7% 的人口具有雙性特徵，但現實情況是我們沒有準確的方法知道。此外，就哪些條件應「算作」雙性人達成共識可能很複雜。

While for some, their intersex traits could be evident during pregnancy, or even at birth, others may discover their difference in their teens, and in some cases, not at all. 對某些人來說，他們的雙性特徵可能在懷孕期間甚至在出生時就很明顯，而另一些人可能會在十幾歲的時候發現他們的差異，在某些情況下，根本沒有發現他們的差異。

When I was born, healthcare professionals had been reluctant to use the term ‘intersex’ to describe my body. It was not immediately clear whether I was male or female based on my external genitalia, and so they decided to run some tests to decide on what gender I should be raised as.當我出生時，醫療保健專業人士一直不願意使用「雙性人」這個詞來描述我的身體。根據我的外生殖器，目前還不清楚我是男性還是女性，因此他們決定進行一些測試來決定我應該被撫養成什麼性別。

As a result, I have spent my life since undergoing a range of cosmetic surgical and hormonal interventions to help me to look more acceptably male.因此，我一生都在接受一系列整容手術和荷爾蒙治療，以幫助我看起來更像男性。

I’ve been operated on countless times, and live with chronic pain and scarring, not to mention the mental health implications.我接受過無數次手術，忍受著慢性疼痛和疤痕，更不用說對心理健康的影響了。

There was no awareness or stories of people like me, and as a result my parents worried about what my life would look like. They did not know whether I’d be able to have a family, find love, or whether I’d even survive. 沒有像我這樣的人的意識或故事，因此我的父母擔心我的生活會是什麼樣子。他們不知道我是否能夠擁有一個家庭，找到愛情，或者我是否能夠生存。

Inadvertently, the message to me became one of isolation and deep self-hatred over something I could not control or choose. 無意中，傳達給我的訊息變成了一種對我無法控制或選擇的事情的孤立和深深的自我仇恨。

Finding any mental health support for me, or even my parents, has been an impossible situation. 為我，甚至我的父母尋找任何心理健康支持都是不可能的。

And so, for so many of us, we ended up grappling with a life of so-called corrective procedures and interventions that felt like they were designed to keep us hiding in plain sight.因此，對於我們許多人來說，我們最終都在與所謂的矯正和治療作鬥爭，這些作法和措施感覺就像是為了讓我們隱藏在眾目睽睽之下。

As such, it makes complete sense that Gemma Collins did not know bodies like mine exist. She admits on the Everything I Know About Me podcast that she had never heard the word ‘hermaphrodite’ – an outdated and offensive term – when she says doctors told her something was ‘wrong’ with her baby. 因此，傑瑪·柯林斯不知道像我這樣的身體存在是完全合理的。她在“我所知道的關於我的一切”播客中承認，當她說醫生告訴她她的孩子有些“問題”時，她從未聽說過“雌雄同體”這個詞——一個過時且具有不受尊重的術語。

On her doctor’s advice, she went ahead with the abortion. 根據醫生的建議，她選擇進行墮胎。

I wish I could have told Gemma that the decision she had to make was tough and, ultimately, her right to choose should not have been rushed by others. She did not deserve to go through this without appropriate support. 我希望我能告訴傑瑪，她必須做出的決定是艱難的，最終，她的選擇權不應該被其他人匆忙剝奪。如果沒有適當的支持，她不應該經歷這一切。

The seriousness and severity of intersex traits are unique to each person. Some may be born with life-threatening conditions that need immediate interventions. Whereas others, like me, are instead brought up believing our bodies are a problem in need of a fix.雙性特徵的程度人人不同，是獨一無二的。有些人可能天生就患有危及生命的疾病，需要立即介入。而其他人，像我，從小就相信我們的身體是一個需要解決的問題。

I would also tell Gemma that some of us have been working hard to unlearn that idea and to thrive.我還要告訴傑瑪，我們中的一些人一直在努力忘記這個想法並茁壯成長。